Honeybees have been proven to have tiny hairs ON their eyeballs. I believe that I, as well as many of my friend folk, deserve this same benefit. I feel that possessing eye hairs would aid me and said friends in the way of allowing us to both look at whatever we intend to be a-glancing at, as well as letting us feel like we are shooting hair ball lasers out of our eye sockets, AT THE SAME TIME. Also, I feel that, while we may not ever be deemed worthy of this blessing, honeybees most certainly do not need to possess such great abilities as these. They already have stingers and can fly and dance. Each day, at least 744 times per minute I wish I were able to fly, and almost as many times do I also wish I were able to dance, although I have never, and WILL never wish to possess a stinger due to the fact that at some point I would probably sting someone then die, which I would not like. Anyways, as it stands, I can neither fly, nor, due to my incredible whiteness, dance. I feel that either talent would increase my Sexy Quotient drastically (For future reference, Sexy Quotient is to be referred to as SQ). I know my girlfriend would most definitely prefer a lad capable of busting a move on the dance floor, and would probably only be mildly frightened of the disturbingly large bee wings on my back. Anyways, the average SQ of a human is about 106, whereas bees have an average SQ of roughly 962 thousand. My current SQ, as of January 3rd (The last time I took an SQ test), is 213. So, while I am mathematically proven to be RATHER sexy, I feel that, with the additional dancing skills, ability to fly, and eye hairs of the common garden-variety Honeybee, MY SQ would be raised to at least 700 thousand, possibly more.While such a high SQ isn't completely necessary, I do feel that such attractiveness would aid the Earth and it's many problems in the following ways:

1. Global Warming- Well, actually, being that hot would pretty screw that up to a totally horrible degree, but who cares, really? I mean, DAMN, I'm sexy as fudge.

2. Starvation, Among Other Things- Being that hot, the only clothes anyone would be wearing anywhere near me would be leather (Which, technically, would HELP with global warming by getting rid of all them stinky-ass methane-making cows, but whatever), French Maid Outfits, and edible undergarments. With so many people wearing clothes that they can eat, they wouldn't have time to eat the other buttload of food that we all usually eat. Since I'm not interested in getting freaky with emaciated, underfed, poor little Save The Children foundation kids, I would please them by giving them the excess food from everyone else not eating anything but undies. This plan would fix any issues with people in third world countries in need of sustenance. Also, since nobody would be buying any other clothes, production of all other clothing lines would come to a screeching halt, forcing companies such as American Eagle, Aeropostale, Hollister, Abercrombie & Fitch, and other similar corporations to simply cease making their overpriced, economy-ruining wares, causing people to not worry about having enough money for nice clothes. This situation solves two major issues. The first being that of immodesty, by which I am referring to how people always compete to have the most risque, shocking, revealing, and expensive "clothing"(that nearly don't even clothe), making the ones who can't afford them feel like unattractive crap, and making the ones who feel more pretty and important, causing them to be self-absorbed douchebags whose only thoughts are "What's the next most expensive article of clothing on the market that allows me to be fully clothed and mostly naked at the same time?" and "Yo, look at dat boy, he can't afford this shit (Because no matter how white the douchebag, he's also the most gangsta', ballin'-ass negro to ever come breakdancing out of the ghetto), let's make fun of his poor cracker ass." The second problem solved by such stores/companies ending would be that, due to widespread equality in affordable pricing for edible or leather clothing, everybody would be able to afford gas, housing, and other such things that families normally struggle to deal with in this time of great economic crisis throughout the globe. Therefore, edible undies save the world form chaos and douchebagginess.

3. Rain forests, Endangered Animals, Other Hippy Causes- With everyone being too busy having sex with me and buying new edible undies every ten minutes (because you can't go for more than that long without eating them, they're so addictive.), nobody will have any reason to cut down trees. If you're having sex, what need do you have for fire or new housing or other similar goods? None, that's what. Also, with so much of the Sex Vibe going through the atmosphere, the entire world, endangered animals especially, will be constantly in the mood for Lovin'. So, no longer shall we worry about the Earth's supply of pandas, whales, or those retarded rat monkey things in South America. Lastly, with all the orgasmic joy throughout the planet, not a single person would be able to even frown, let alone fight or, god forbid, have wars. Multiple instances in which my incredible boost in super-hotness would fix the world's issues are right there for you: Save rain forests, check, repopulate endangered animals, check, and end war and unhappiness, done.

All in all, I feel that, with the unparalleled sexiness of wings, dancing skills, and eye hair, in addition to my already rather high Attractiveness, the world would greatly benefit from a super-being capable of inducing world-changing situations by simply being hot. Look at the facts: I have, in proposing such a transformation, proven a method in which all mankind's greatest ages-old problems and crises may be solved simply by one man's unfathomable ability to arouse everyone else. It is because of this that I implore all of those who have spent their otherwise wasted time reading this ridiculously overlong monologue about sexually attractive mutations and/or genetic modifications to aid me in my dream of becoming a hyper-sexy man-bee hybrid capable of solving all the world's problems and bringing the funk at the same time. You may ask, "Sir (Or, more accurately, Gorman, which is what most people usually refer to me as), how is it possible for me to help you in this quest to save the world and become sexier than all of history combined, including unicorns and the Loch Ness Monster?" Well, young padawan, the answer is quite simple: By acquiring various bee related objects for me, and/or just giving me your spare change so that I may get these things myself, you will greatly aid me in the realizing of this, the most important dream ever to be dreamt, ever. Ever.

In conclusion, I would like to let you know that I spent all of roughly 3 hours writing this, my first unbelievable waste of time of the year, 2009 A.D. You have just witnessed the progenitor of many useless, yet hopefully awe-inspiring, amusing, and arousing actions to come. Thank you for allowing me to waste your morning/afternoon/evening, whatever the case may be. If this spoke to you in any way, I implore you to show this to friends and fanily to spread the message of a possibility for a better world, and a better man.